Bird Post

Many moons ago...something quite extraordinary happened.

I was at work.

That was NOT the extraordinary thing. I'm probably there more than I'm at my house. I'm that cool. But no..really. I was at work. It was one of those many mornings that Janell and I opened together. I had gone into the guard room to take a break. And this is when the truly amazing thing happened.

I was walking out of the guard room and Janell turned to me and got this huge grin on her face. Which...if you've ever been around either of us in the mornings...is quite something to see. So I knew either, 1. something awesome had happened or 2. I was about to get Punk'd. I was seriously hoping it was the former. Although...if Ashton Kutcher came out to go swimming or something....that would have been crazy awesome.

Needless to say, something awesome HAD happened.

This is more or less how our conversation went.

Janell: Guess what just happened?!

Ashley: What? *quizzical expression due to the abnormal amount of excitement coming from Janell*

J: Look over at that window over there.

J: What do you see?

A: Did someone throw a snowball at the window?

J: That's what I thought. I was out here guarding, and all of a sudden I hear this huge THUNK against the window. It totally looked like some punk kid had thrown a snowball at the window. So I went over to investigate. You should really go take a look. :D

A: Oookayy.....

So I walk over to the window to see what she was talking about. This is what I saw.

Can't tell what it is? That's okay. I have another picture. I was finally able to use my massively accurate and world renowned skills of paint to show you what you're missing. I've also named it. Be excited.

What.The.Crap.Batman. So not only did a BIRD fly into the window, but it didn't even try to avoid the window at all. I think it was because we had Windexed the windows the day before. But seriously. And not only did it not even try to avoid the window, it was dirty enough to leave a full body mark on the window. You can't tell from the picture, but you could see individual feathers and the full outline of the feet. BLEH!

Janell said that after she had gone over to see the window, she looked to see if the bird was still out there. Apparently, it looked like the bird was on shrooms as it was trying to hop across the street. It really wouldn't surprise me if the bird really was on some kind of hallucinagent. What kind of bird does that?!?!

So, I go outside to see if I can find the bird. Didn't find the bird. But I did find these.

Dang. That bird hit the window HARD! I really don't envy it. From the facts I can gather, I think this is what happened.

• Scuttle leaves the seaside castle where Ariel and Eric live to search out new lands and new kinds of girl birds.
• Rolls in seaweed before he leaves so as to remember the smell.
• 4 weeks later takes a wrong turn at Cortez, Colorado and starts heading north instead of south.
• Takes a pit stop in Levan, Utah where he sees some very interesting looking mushrooms and decides that it would make a good lunch. (Instead of the normal worms and food droppings from those weird looking things that walk around on two feet and scream things at each other.)
• Rolls around in cow urine.
• Starts flying again.
• The seaweed residue and cow urine have some sort of chemical reaction and make kind of a goopy paste/something gross.
• The shrooms start taking effect somewhere around Pioneer Crossing.
• Scuttle starts trippin. Hard.
• Follows Pioneer Crossing to Redwood and realizes that there isn't ANYTHING cool out there. So turns back towards Lehi.
• He sees an amazing looking indoor pool that looks like the ocean and wants to take a nap on the water.
• SLAMS into our immaculate windows.
• Get's a birdy concussion.
• Tries to hop across the street...while still trippin...with a concussion.
• Dies in the neighbors bushes.
• Cat discovers and devours.

The End.