Demon Bird Called Horace

Soo...I have this thing with birds. I hate them. Well...yeah. I hate them. They're evil, yucky, germ infested, kamikasi, winged rats. Bleh. And apparently they have an affinity for me. It's as if they know I'm close...so they sniff me out with their tiny bird beaks.
I actually do have a point to my story. This is how it starts.
Lil' ole me is just working my 1-11pm shift yesterday. It's only my 2nd Sat of manager..ing at Legacy. Close-ish to the end of my shift, one of the guards calls me out to tell me that there's a bird at the top of the slide. RRRRRIIIGGGGGHHHTTTT. Because, I know how to handle that. It's not like there's a, "Bird at top of slide-how to catch" section of the policy manual. PFFT. I was stumped. The biggest thing I've ever had to try and catch was a horse. Okay...bad example. Let me rephrase. The biggest thing I've ever had to try and catch, inside, was a snake. And I really wasn't trying that hard to be honest. Again with the yucky and the dirty.
This is the part where I say to myself, "Self. You're the boss. You wanted this. Figure it out." So what do I do? I go to the front desk and ask for suggestions. Their suggestion? Call Animal Control. Well yeah. Already thought of that. Didn't think it was the greatest idea, which is why I came to you. OBVIOUSLY...you're not so great in the advice category. So, I get the number for Animal Control, traipse back to my office, and proceed to call the number. This is how the call went. Italics is for thoughts in my head.

"Utah County Dispatch."
"Yeah, hi. My name is Ashley. I'm the manager at the pool in Lehi. We have a bird inside our pool, and I was hoping you could send out Animal Control to take care of it."
"We don't send officers out for birds."
Is a bird not an animal? "Uhhh....oookkkayyy. Well do you have any ideas of how I might be able to take care of it?"
".......We don't send officers out for birds."
You just read me the same line cuz you didn't know what to say. Awesome.
".........(chirp, chirp)......"
"I don't have any Animal Control officers on right now. And regular ones don't respond for something like this."
And you can't call them, because...? "Ummm...okay, thanks.....bye"

Riddle.ME.This.
Animal=A living organism that feeds on organic matter, typically having specialized sense organs and nervous system and able to respond rapidly to stimuli.
Bird=A warm-blooded egg-laying vertebrate (class Aves) distinguished by the possession of feathers, wings, and a beak and (typically) by being able to fly.

So.
Animal: eats organic matter. Bird: eats worms, crickets, crap off the ground. CHECK.
Animal: specialized sense organs. Bird: can look at you with demon bird eyes and bore into your soul. CHECK.
Animal: nervous system. Bird: bounces off window, to ledge, then to floor when it tries to fly out the closed window. CHECK.
Animal: able to respond rapidly to stimuli. Bird: flies around when you bang things on the roof to get it to come out from it's hidey hole so you can catch it. CHECK.

HOW THE CRAP DOES A BIRD NOT QUALIFY FOR ANIMAL CONTROL TO COME TAKE CARE OF IT???

This is the part where I go find Jordan. He always knows what to do. And if he doesn't...he usually has a good, albeit, amusing way to take care of something. And he's scared of birds so....kinda amusing all by itself. We get a net and go up to the top of the slide to have a look see. After about 45 min, these are things that have happened. We have collected 1 manager, 1 head guard, 1 guard from when we had to close the outside from lightning, top of slide guard, one of the break guards, 1 long pole with a net on the end, 2 towels, 1 garbage bag, 1 chair, and a squeegee with a long wooden handle.
At some point, I was joking with one of the guards about how animal control wouldn't come take care of it. Which led to, "Well you should have told them it was a horse and when they got here you could've been like...oh, my bad. Did I say horse? I meant bird. We just named the bird Horace."
In the meantime, we're banging on the roof and yelling at the bird to try and, somehow, catch it. Apparently, we were causing quite a commotion. We finally come up with a plan, and it decided to fly out into the main area of the pool. Therefore, making it almost impossible to catch.
We spent the next 45 min trying to throw the red ball at its perch on various parts of the ceiling, climbing up on top of the guardroom to try and catch it again, and turning off all the lights once we closed to try and get it to follow the light.
Pretty much, we don't know where the bird is. And I'm gonna be super pissed if I walk into work in the morning and see a dead bird or bird poop all over the place. And if it's still alive and inside...it better fear my wrath. Cuz I'm not a very nice morning person.