Hanging in the Balance

**I have put off posting this, and have been hesitant to until recently. This happened about 3 or 4 weeks ago.**

Nothing good ever happens at 1 in the morning. Especially when the phone rings.

We had thrown Kelsey a Bachelorette party and I had just crashed half an hour before. My iPod was still playing the Celebrating the Light cd. Earbuds were still in my ears. That's how short of a time it was.

1:14 am

Ashley, Kevin just called.
~Who's Kevin?
Kevin. Jessica's husband. Uncle Mike is in the hospital. He just crashed.
~Wait....what?
Mike just crashed in the ICU. We're going to the hospital.

Last night was the first time in over a decade that I've had someone close to me on the brink of death.

The first images you see when you walk into a hospital and see your family will never go away. They are there forever. We turn the corner and see our family at the end of the hall. And there is nothing good going on. A collective look of helplessness and shock is in everyone's faces.

We see Kevin first. He's trying to be strong. But you can tell he's hurting. He's leaning against the wall, looking at the ceiling, holding in the tears, and trying just to hold still.

Tammie is standing across from the windows looking into Mike's room. She comes over and my Mom instantly puts her arms around her. Tam loses it.

Cami is sitting the closest to us with little Gage in her arms. I don't know her very well. But she's been crying. Jake is sitting next to her, trying not to show his emotions.

A code blue is called for another room and a doctor in Mikes room takes off down the hall.

Jessie is sitting just down the hall from Jake and Cami.  She looks the most devastated. But she's strong. I go over to her and put my arm around her and make sure she's doing as okay as can be expected.

Danie won't leave the window right outside Mike's room. As I put my arm around her, she barely turns to see who I am before turning back.

The room is full of doctors, nurses, and techs all working to save Mike's life. As I look over at the monitors, I see the EKG that's running. V-fib is unmistakable. I know the implications of this.

They continue to work on stabilizing him for awhile longer. A nurse comes out and says that the doctor would like to talk to us in the conference room. And then proceeds to bring an extra box of tissues in for us.

Great.

Because of the time he was down and then stabilizing him he didn't get enough oxygen for awhile there. One of his pupils was blown and non-reactive and they thought he might have had a stroke. He was very straightforward with us and told us they were doing everything they could, but he didn't know if Mike would make it through the night.

Jessie started asking questions. Danie is sobbing on the couch next to me. Tammie is sitting next to the doctor not able to contain anything. Kevin looks like he wants to punch something.

The doctor left because they were taking Mike down to CT to get a better look at his brain and see what was really going on.

I'm not good around crying people. I'm not as close to this family as I wish I was. It's hard to know how to help, or even what to say, when you see them once or twice a year. 

We hang out in the conference room and hallway until they bring Mike back up from CT. He's more stable now, but they have to get him changed. His meds have to be monitored by hand to make sure he doesn't get too much of one thing or too little of another. Every part of his body has some wire or tube attached to it. He's on a ventilator and sedated. His left hand looks like a balloon from the edema that's been pushed to his extremities because of the beating his body has just taken.

And now, we wait. We all stare at the monitor above his head. Pulse oxygenation stays mid 80's/low 90's. His Blood Pressure is all over the place. One minute it's 230/168...the next it's 90/48. And everywhere in between. The Bishop and a counselor come from their ward. It's time for a blessing.

This is what stays with me the most.

We don't know Kevin very much. We've only met him a handful of times. But at this moment in time, when he's asked if he can give Tammie a blessing, he says yes. That in and of itself means everything. No matter who he is. No matter what his past is. He is worthy to give her a blessing.
Jessie married a good man.

After Tammie's blessing is done, we're allowed to go into Mike's room. Dad and Kevin are the ones that do it. I know you're supposed to close your eyes during a prayer/blessing, but I couldn't tear my eyes off the scene in front of me long enough to. Dad and Kevin were on either side of Mikes bed in the ICU. Mike is hooked up to all these wires and a ventilator, so it's hard for them to reach his head. They both have their arms extended all the way and are leaning over just so they can get in the right position. But it doesn't even seem to phase them.

The rest of the night was a blur. Mostly just waiting in the hallway, eyes glued to the monitor. Tammie's sister, who hadn't talked to her in 2 years came to see the family. Nodded off once or twice.


But I came away from this knowing 3 things.

1. I want to marry a man who is worthy of the priesthood. That can give me or anyone else in need a blessing when called upon.
2. You do anything you can for family. They are FAMILY. 
3. I want to be on that team of people saving lives. Maybe not in the ICU per-say...but in the area.

Update: After over 18 days in the ICU and 4 or 5 days on a regular floor, he is at home recovering well.

And to think, this all happened because of a nosebleed.