It's All In Your Head

I have this new neurologist. He's...interesting. As my opthomologist said, "Neurologist are.............their own breed. Kinda weird." Yep. You got it.

Opthomologist=Two enthusiastic Thumbs UP
Neurologist=One slightly wavering halfway thumbs downup

Examples.
He has a hard time looking me in the eye.
He never initiates a handshake or a greeting.
He never asks if I have any questions.
He talks at me instead of with me.

I think my neurologist might be autistic. Which would explain a lot.

Anywhoo. This is what he tells me on our second visit after a sleep oxygenation test.
"I'm gonna need you to go in for an in depth sleep study."

I'm thinking, SWEET! Sleep Study! This is gonna be the bomb. Go somewhere for the night and have somebody watch me on a camera and see if I do anything weird whilst slumbering. Like have a conversation with my pillow or do a dance. Maybe have a couple wires slapped on my head. Something like this.

Yeah. NOPE. It was NOTHING like the above picture. There was absolutely no smiling going on. And who the crap would be able to sleep with that much light on anyway?

It was most definitely like this. But a mixture of the two. Minus the light. Again. 

They put this nasty paste stuff all over your head to get the electrode things to work. They stick this crap all over your face. They put these wires down your pants and attach them to your legs. They put these belts on your stomach and chest. Each with 6 wires on it. And then they attach all these wires to a box that goes behind you.

OKAY. Normally, it would take the grim reaper to wake me in the middle of the night. Or a major need to pee. I seriously woke up every hour.

And then, in the morning, the just rip those suckers off and say, "Man, you're gonna have fun getting that gunk out of your hair." Later, when you get to the pool to swim, you have a co-worker help you get gauze out of your hair and find dried blood where they put the gunky devil paste. Thanks a lot Sleep Technicians. More like Sleep Torture Experts.

Moral of the story. Don't have brain problems.

And, if you can help it, never Ever EVER do a sleep study. It seems all rainbows and butterflies, but it's really an inferno of fire ants and blast ended skrewts.

*I don't have sleep apnea. I sleep just fine at night. Despite the things that go on at work. But no shit shiz.